The Magic Of Self-Confidence

Since I moved to LA many people have asked me if I believe in The Secret and the laws of attraction. The answer is absolutely not...and yes, I sort of do.

Here's what I don't believe: I don't believe in "the laws of attraction," as they are defined in The Secret. I don't believe that the universe is concerned with our personal ambitions and desires and I do believe that bad things, like earthquakes, hurricanes, unexpected genetic illnesses, freak car accidents and so forth, are just as likely to be experienced by those who use the laws of attraction as they are by those who don't.

And yet I can't say that those who embrace the laws of attraction are full of it. Not by a long shot. Because by embracing the laws of attraction they are committing themselves to being optimists. Optimists believe that things are going to get better when life is hard. They believe opportunities will present themselves. And you know what happens when you think an opportunity is going to come your way? YOU LOOK FOR THAT OPPORTUNITY. And if you're looking for something your chances of finding it go up considerably. An optimist may recognize an opportunity that would be completely lost on a pessimist because the pessimist isn't looking for anything more than a life preserver. This is true regardless of whether you're talking about career opportunities or opportunities within your personal life. And when it comes to romance those who embrace the idea of the laws of attraction have a huge advantage over the general population. Because those laws-of-attraction people are confident that they're going to find their soulmate and that makes them confident about themselves. It's a myth that women are mostly attracted to money and power. Some women think that's what they want but what ATTRACTS them is confidence. Confidence is sexy and if a guy believes in himself and believes he has something to offer and that he deserves to have a wonderful woman in his life we'll believe it too. Women who think they want a man who is able to support them will frequently overlook a man's current career problems and financial difficulties if the guy who has caught their eye is confident that the situation is temporary and that he'll come out on top. I'm not talking about a God complex or anything, just a strong sense of self-confidence. It works for women as well. If a woman believes that that she is worth a man's time and expects men to treat her well men are more likely to give her their time and...well, treat her well. I don't know that there's any mysticism to that or that the universe is involved (although I don't judge those who DO believe that). I think it's just an issue of how confident people carry themselves and how they talk and react to the circumstances around them. It's one of the reasons why men love Victoria Secret ads. Yes, Victoria Secret models have amazing bodies and they wear next to nothing but that's true of a huge portion of the women we see in advertisements, TV shows, magazine spreads and movies. But the Victoria Secret models tend to be held a little bit above the rest. What makes them better? Well, to put it one way, they're fierce. When they strut forward with their open robes flying behind them it's clear that those women aren't afraid of anything. They know what they have to offer and they have no qualms showing it off. These women are confident with a capital C and it makes it almost impossible to look away.

I realize that I'm not saying anything new here. I've heard others refer to the success of those who follow the directions listed in The Secret as being a sort of placebo effect. To call it that is not only condescending, it's overly simplistic. To say it's a placebo effect is to suggest that something about the achievement isn't real, or worse, that the problem that was dealt with by the change in the behavior wasn't real. It's all real. Being able to identify an opportunity that most people wouldn't see is very real and whatever device is used to help people to be able to do that should be celebrated and promoted.

So basically I don't believe in the mechanisms that The Secret describes but I believe that taking the steps that are supposed to activate those mechanisms will frequently lead to the desired results. In that sense the laws of attraction stand up to even the most scientific analysis. People who believe in themselves are more likely to get what they want. Just because you can explain how it's done doesn't mean that it's not magic.

Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
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