So Many Changes!

You may have noticed that I haven't written in a while. Part of that is because I've just been swamped and crazed with deadlines. To quote J.D. Salinger,  "I'm up to my ears in unwritten words."

The other is that I'm just not sure what to blog about. In the past I've written about my parenting experiences, my dating life and my struggles as a writer. All three of those areas of my life have changed so dramatically I am no longer sure of how best to approach them here.

When you're the parent of a young child all of your kid's experiences are your experiences too. Your child is so connected to your every move you frequently have to remind yourself that yes, the doctor really did cut the umbilical cord. I know there are people who are very reticent about writing about their children at any stage of their life but in the past I didn't have too big of a problem with it. I was recounting events and recording a shared history that my son wouldn't even remember if I didn't tell him about it.

But as your child gets older your connection to him, while still strong, is a little more distant. At a certain age your children start to do things without you. They get to know people you don't know. Their experiences become increasingly theirs and decreasingly yours. My son's fourteen now and I no longer feel like I have the right to write about him in the way I used to. It would simply be inappropriate and it would be an intrusion. I suppose I could write about how I feel about this new phase but even there I have to be more careful. I don't think this is the right place to delve into how I feel about his shaving anymore than a mother of a girl should blog about how she feels about her daughter's menstruation. It's just not cool.  I know that there's a way to approach this that is "cool" and it involves getting my son's permission before posting anything and whatnot but I'm still trying to work out how all that works.

As for my dating life...well, I'm not dating, I'm engaged. Rod posted a blog here about two and a half months ago detailing various aspects of how we found our way back to each other and why we're so well suited. With such public declarations from him you'd think that I'd be writing about my relationship nonstop. But oddly enough my instinct is to become more private about my love life rather than less so. This is a relationship that I'm going to have for my entire life and I want to hold it close and sort of, protect it from over-exposure. Besides, hearts and flowers are wonderful but relationships are a little like people, what makes them interesting is their little imperfections or, as Kasie would call them, silks. You know, those little variants in the ruby that make it different from all the other rubies. Those silks are the reason we fall in love with all literary super couples, from Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester to Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy. It's the quirks in both the individual characters and the relationships that make them romantic and interesting.  It's why we root for them. I know what quirks Rod and I have that make us unique and I can tell you that we definitely know how to keep one another on our toes.  But this isn't fiction and it feels wrong to spill the details of our love story, silks and all, onto a webpage for the consumption of strangers.  I could leave out the silks and just give you the hearts and flowers, but then that's boring.

Lastly I could tell you about my struggles as a writer. I definitely still have them. I've had four deadlines to meet since August 1st and I was late on meeting half of them. I continue to work on Hollywood projects in addition to working on all my book projects and that can be both an exciting and frustrating process. But let's face it, my struggles just aren't what they used to be. The question is no longer how can I get another book published. It's what publishing project do I have the time and inclination to take on. Complaining about that feels arrogant.  And to muse about concerns I may have about my financial future while I'm living in my fiancé's multistoried house in one of the more esteemed areas of Los Angeles...well, that just feels down right obnoxious and insensitive. I'm sure I'll write future posts about what it's like being a middle class girl in an upper class world (and for the record, no matter what happens to my financial circumstance I will always be a middle class girl) but I have to get a better handle on it before I  can clearly write about it.

So going forward I'm REALLY going to try to write more often and I'll definitely have another blog up  by next week. But when I disappear for a while or avoid subjects I used to embrace just know that I'm sorting through the vast number of changes in my life and trying to find new ways to stay connected to all of my readers. Because while my relationships with my family and partner are essential to who I am my relationship with all of you has also been extraordinarily important to me. So many of you have been with me since Sophie was first introduced on the world stage. That was back in 2004 so now we're practically family.

So try to bear with me. Just because I'm not writing here doesn't mean I'm not thinking about all of you. You're my readers and as such, you complete me.