Quote Envy

We all suffer from it. It's a jealousy we can't let go of.    It's not something that can be given or sold. If Freud was around he'd have a name for the condition. But since he's not I'll have to step up to the plate and name it myself:

All writers have Quote Envy.

It happens all the time. We'll be reading a book, the newspaper, watching TV or a movie and then suddenly someone says something so perfect that we fall back in our seat, shocked. Our first reaction is not, "Wow, that was beautifully stated." (which is undoubtedly the immediate reaction of non-writers).  Oh no, our first thought is: "Damn it! I wish I had written that!" As the years go by we may occasionally be reminded of that quote and our reaction will never change.

It happens to me all the time. Like when I was watching an episode of Veep over a year ago. One of the characters (Reid) had been trying to get White House liaison, Jonah, to spill the President's secrets to him so he could feed them to the VP.  The VP acted on the information only to discover that the information was completely wrong. Reid apologized for mistakenly misleading her, explaining, "I was trying to use Jonah for intelligence!"

And she responded:

 "You were trying to use Jonah for intelligence?   That's like using a croissant as a dildo. It doesn't get the job done and it makes a big mess!!"

Anyone who has read my Sophie books knows, that line was designed for my character Dena. And now every time I write a Sophie book I will always bitterly think about how much I'd love to plagiarize that line! Why couldn't I have thought of it first?

Then there was that time when I turned on the radio only to discover that Joe Frank was reading from his story, A Life Well Lived on KCRW. This particular piece was about a failed relationship and at some point in the story the woman tells her former lover:

"I made my home inside of you, and now that our relationship has ended, I feel homeless."

I mean, Oh. My. GOD! What an amazing line! I guarantee you that if I had written those words into a romance novel it would be the #1 highlighted quote on everybody's Kindle. But alas, it's not to be. Instead it's part of a story that's filled with so many perfect sentences this one barely feels special.

Or sometimes I find myself envious of authors who make wise and cutting observations. Take this quote from Toby Barlow's Sharp Teeth:

"Yes, liquor is the thin white coat of paint
you wash over the cracks in your foundation.
Makes any rotten house livable for a few hours" 

In two sentences Barlow described why people turn to drink more effectively than any full length article I've ever read. And like Frank's story, Barlow's novel is filled with amazing lines that I wish I could snag from him.

In the end, these little statements plugged into scripts and manuscripts are little flashes of genius. They represent their authors' potential and reflect their ability to see connections between things that, on the surface, appear to be unrelated. And when people read or hear the lines they think, "Why yes, of course!" Hiding the cracks in a rotten house = drinking away depression. Heartbreak = homelessness. Trying to use stupid people for intelligence = using a croissant as a dildo. Now that they say it, it all seems so obvious!

But as envious as I am, I would be devastated if I thought that I would never again come across a sentence I wanted to steal. These quotations inspire me and perhaps more importantly, they challenge me. It makes me want to come up with lines that are so good it will make other authors fantasize about plagiarism. Every once in a while I surprise myself with a great line and then I'll lean back and say, "Yep, that's getting highlighted on readers' Kindles. That's a line that will inspire Quote Envy."

In the end, inspiring Quote Envy in other writers = living the dream.

So now I turn the question to you: What quotes have haunted you over the years? Inspire me.