Why We Pay For Beauty

To my female readers: What if you suddenly found yourself living in a land where the entire population was made up of women, no men at all, like you're on Wonder Woman's island or something. But instead of invisible planes it has all the conveniences of home. Shopping malls, restaurants, computers, art galleries, the works. Maybe they even have a Dena-Style Guilty Pleasures type store and a few erotica books available to help you deal with any...um...unfulfilled needs. But there are absolutely no opportunities to date or even flirt. The stork's bringing the babies, your days of batting your eyelashes are done.

In this imaginary world, do you wax your eyebrows?

Maybe. After all, it is true that we like to look good for other women. Lots of us will get dressed up for girl's night even if we don't expect to be talking to a man but why do we do the specific things that we do for our looks? Perhaps we'd wax our brows regardless of the circumstances because honestly, there is something unsettling about a unibrow.  But if it was just women, would we shave our legs or cover our grey, go out of our way to look young? I doubt it. I think that if you took sex out of the equation grey hair and wrinkles would be a symbol of life experience and lots of other good stuff.

I definitely buy into the old theory that men evolved to be attracted to women who look like they can bare their children. That's why their eyes get a little bigger when they see a boob shot, and why they like the sway of our hips (our childbearing hips) and yes, it's why they are attracted to women who look like they're within their childbearing years. It doesn't really matter if the guy wants kids or not, this is just part of his genetic make-up.  So I don't blame guys for their preferences. But the problem is that this preference extends to the workplace. Employers offer more jobs and more raises to those of us who take a little extra time in our appearance and embrace the youth-centric mentality.  Read about it in Psychology Today, Forbes, The Economist, The Daily Beast, EVERY study backs this up. Newsweek's polled corporate hiring managers (mostly men) and they ranked looks ABOVE education in order of importance. And while studies show looks are important for men they also show that for women they're crucial.

We all want to rail against this but we also all have to pay the bills and we've been properly indoctrinated. In fact, although women have been looking for ways to look young and beautiful since the days of Cleopatra and before lately our obsession has kicked into overdrive.  I think one of the things that is driving this is the high divorce rate and the fact that many women now find that they're not ready to settle down in their twenties. What that means is that by the time many of us are looking for a life partner our laugh lines are already here. Another issue is that most of us change careers or places of employment several times in our lifetime now which means that we are constantly trying to make a good first impressions on employers, clients and whatnot.

But perhaps the biggest problem is the advancements in the beauty industry. After being told for years that the only thing that slows aging is sunscreen the cosmetic industry has introduced us to cooper peptids, antioxidants and human growth hormones in our face creams. They've created Botox and fillers and LED lights. When I asked on Facebook if any of my readers were skincare addicts I had a dozen responses of yes in three minutes and one of those responses was from a woman who said that she became addicted to skincare after I announced my love of Ansr Beam. Once she discovered how well it worked she started exploring other products.

Nobody walks away from the Blackjack table when they're winning.

And what is true all over the country is doubly true here in LA where we've built an entire industry based exclusively on the fear of aging.

So when LA guys are complaining about the $14 cocktail they have to buy just for the right to approach a woman at the bar  I always wonder if they're aware of the $119 Clarisonic exfoliator, the $550 worth of Juviderm and $50 lactic peel that woman paid for just on the hope that he or someone like him would approach her.

To date I have resisted the urge to have anything injected into my face. I haven't bought eyelash extensions (yes, our eyelashes age too) and although I have had a light chemical peel before I haven't done it in years. But I'm obsessed with keeping my skin as perfect as possible and that has led me to some very expensive beauty products. I pretend that somehow spending $70 on an Neocutis eye cream is somehow less superficial than getting Botox or laser resurfacing. I have the Clarisonic and I won't ever, ever, ever give it up because I can see the results. I invest in $50  Skinceuticals Overnight Oily night cream (it's my miracle cream). Every three days I spend five minutes with Bliss Oxygen mask ($54) on my face to refresh my skin and keep it glowing. It if didn't work it would be easy to give up but it does work. I spend a total of twenty minutes a day (2 ten minute increments) using Ansr Beam ($149)which is the only thing I've found that minimizes, clears and mostly prevents all kinds of acne including cystic acne and stimulates collagen growth and new cell growth to boot. Oh, and let's not forget about the Skinceuticals C E Ferulic ($146) that makes my sunscreen even more powerful and reduces the fine lines I already have. And let's not forget the drugstore gems, CeraVe ($14), Cetaphil ($11) and whatnot that I also use.When I was in my 20s I wasn't very impressed with the compliments men gave me in regards to my looks. After all, that's just genetics, I had nothing to do with it. Now? Now when I get those compliments I feel a spark of triumph because I worked for this shit! It took research, time, scheduling and a hell of a lot of money.

And here's a guilty secret: when I look in the mirror and see that I've found a product that actually works I feel a sense of real pride and achievement. I did it! I defied nature without a needle! The fact that the needle wouldn't cost all that much more than the products I'm using or that I'm buying into the exact same paranoia held by the women who get those injections is lost on me in those moments.

So yeah, I'm ashamed of myself. I'm accepting the status quo and I've totally bought into the system. I do like the way I look and I like that my boyfriend always compliments me on my skin. I like finding just the right product and seeing the results. And I really like that my skin is better now than it was 2 1/2 years ago. And yet when I look at women who, after going grey early, stay grey I think, "All right girl, you rock those silver locks!" I admire it and I really believe that most other women secretly admire it too. Every woman I know struggles with this dichotomy. We aren't supposed to be superficial or try to hang onto our youth once it's gone but if we are and do we're rewarded for it and if we aren't and don't we're punished. I think most of us believe that if we lived on Wonder Woman's island dull skin and wrinkles wouldn't put anyone at a disadvantage (and yes, I know Wonder Woman's Amazonian sisters didn't age like the rest of us, but if they did I don't think they'd freak out over it).

But in the end I figure that in this economy and in the hellish landscape that is LA dating I can't afford to be dismissive of my looks even though I know that the standards of beauty are essentially set by men. I can't afford to rail against this particular machine.

But I can accept the $14 cocktail without even a smidge of guilt.


Next week: how all this work can backfire, and not just financially

Kyra Davis

Bestselling Author of:

The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series, 

SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING

And the upcoming

JUST ONE NIGHT erotic fiction trilogy

Read the first few pages here!