A Life In Transition...Or Maybe Chaos (Is There A Difference?)

This has been a very interesting and confusing time for me. As I have both Tweeted and Facebooked, it feels like I’m living in several different realities at the same time.  In the last several weeks I was given the opportunity to travel in luxury and lounge in hotel rooms that (should I have had to pay for them) would have cost me upwards of $1400 a night. And yet with rising health care costs, my son's school tuition and whatnot...well, money is tighter than its ever been).  My career has never been in a more precarious position.  It’s possible that things could get very tough for me...unless a certain publishing deal which currently seems to be quickly gathering steam actually comes through in which case my career has literally never been more stellar, successful or lucrative.  My son is mourning lost friendships at the exact same time he’s celebrating new ones.  My romantic life is all over the place.  I’m at the point where I literally don’t know what’s beginning and what’s ending...actually I made that last comment as a reference to my dating life but to be honest it would apply to almost every aspect of my life at the moment and I suspect that’ll be true for the next couple of months.  





It’s no wonder that I feel confused.  If people weren’t continually making demands of me (handing me urgent tasks and important meetings that I must attend to “ASAP”) I would probably just be sitting in my living room, staring into space, too overwhelmed to move.  



I guess I’m in a transitional period of my life.  I’m flooded with different opportunities and yes, there are choices to be made and yes, it’s entirely possible that I’ll make the wrong choices.  But having choices is infinitely better than not having choices and I think it’s time to start embracing it all rather than over-thinking everything.  



I also have to keep my eye on the ball but in order to do that I have to know which ball I’m supposed to be watching.  



I know that my number one priority is my career and complete financial Independence, the kind of financial Independence that will allow me to send my son to the private school that works best for him regardless of the exorbitant expense...although I don’t need the kind of money that would allow me to send him to a top private school AND buy myself designer clothes. Me and Forever 21 are good buddies.  Still, it’s not a small goal. In LA private schools range from $20,000 a year to $55,000 a year.  It’s insane but when you have a child with some special needs you start considering tuitions that are well above the average yearly mortgage.  However what I don’t want is to ever be in the position of having to ask the man in my life for money.  Okay, I know that happens occasionally, particularly within a marriage. But, for me, I want it to be the rare exception, NOT the rule. It’s important to me that regardless of who I end up with I personally am able to take care of myself and my son the way I see fit with or without a man.  I want any romantic union I enter into to be held together by love and respect NOT dependence.   



Of course I want the financial independence to come from my writing.  It’s what I do best and it’s my passion.  Being a writer isn’t just a job, it’s quite literally part of who I am and part of how I and others define me.  



As for the issues, non-issues, endings and beginnings that currently permeate my love-life...well to be honest I would really like not to have to deal with that right now.  Dating itself is fine but ideally I’d like to hold off on any serious relationship until I have some vague idea as to what’s going on in my professional life.  I’m not a big fan of entering commitments without knowing exactly (ok, generally) what I’m bringing to the table.  It’s not that I don’t have a lot to offer right now, I have enough self-esteem to believe that I do. But I’m confused and I’m pretty sure that entering into serious relationships when you’re confused isn’t always the best plan.  



So I guess that’s it then.  I’ll focus on my career and for the moment I’ll keep my dating life light and fun (as opposed to deep and stressful).  I’ve picked the ball I want to watch.  As for the men who want to throw me a ball, go ahead and throw...as long as it’s only a Nerf ball we’re good.

Kyra Davis

Bestselling Author of:

The Sophie Katz Mystery Series 

and

So Much For My Happy Ending

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