Success Comes In Many Different Forms

People have this idea that in order for a romantic relationship to be a success you have to end up together. There's no question that the little old couple you see holding hands, walking through the park, are a success story. They may even be the ideal success story, but what they can't do is represent all the other kinds of romantic success stories out there.

My marriage (which ended many years ago now) was a mess. The emotional and financial fallout from everything that went down was fairly devastating. And yet if it wasn't for my ex-husband I wouldn't have my son. Furthermore it was that emotional fallout that inspired me to pick up a pen and write a murder mystery. Seriously. And then there's So Much For My Happy Ending, a novel that is really nothing more than a highly fictionalized autobiography. That book helped a lot of women. I couldn't have written it if my marriage had been healthy. Lastly I learned my own strength. I had never thought of myself as being strong before. At least not emotionally. But he showed me exactly how well I could handle myself in emergency situations. That was an incredibly valuable lesson. In other words, that marriage produced a life and the divorce launched a career and the whole thing taught me some valuable lessons. I'm not going to thank my ex for that any more than the Haitians are going to thank the earthquake for causing enough destruction to motivate the world community to help them rebuild their country. Still, how can I say that the marriage was a failure? Clearly it wasn't.

Then came my first real affair. I met him at a party and he took me out for drinks and then to a jazz club. One thing led to another and then...well. I couldn't emotionally invest in a relationship at that time. But I was ready for some fun and I told him that. He was more than happy to help me out. He cooked for me, took me dancing, he even took me on a seriously fun vacation to Playa Del Carmen. And while he was doing all this he would also listen to me. He helped me gain perspective on what had taken place during my marriage and I desperately needed that. There were none of the complications or risks of misunderstanding that typically occur within male-female relations because we had made rules that prevented that from happening. That meant that whenever I went out with him it was completely stress free, in fact our dates were the only stress-free time during that horrible period of my life. Eventually this guy met a woman who really was much better suited for him than I could ever have been. He fell in love with her and unlike me she did want to commit. So that was the end of the affair and as far as I know he's still with that woman. So no, that affair never turned into anything more than..well than an affair. But as relationships go that one was incredibly successful. That affair and the friendship that went along with it got me through one of the most difficult times of my life. I will always be grateful for it.

Of course there have been other men too. A select few I have loved, some I just liked a lot. A few of them have hurt me, although I really don't think that any of them did so intentionally. But they also brought me a lot of comfort and happiness. Those relationships, flirtations, dates, whatever...they were and are incredibly valuable to me. If I had to do it all over again I would still include every one of them in my life at the time that they were in my life. I'd detail everything my last boyfriend gave me but then this would be a ten page blog.

Recently I ended what had become an online romance with someone who lives thousands of miles away from me. It was supposed to be an innocent flirtation but it quickly morphed into a friendship and then eventually my emotional investment got to be more than what was appropriate, especially when you consider that we couldn't actually be together. So I stopped emailing and calling and I asked him to give me some space. It was very hard to do because this guy really has become one of my best friends but when I finally got it through my thick skull that we weren't going to ever even meet I decided to take myself out of that fantasy world before I got lost in it. This man now thinks that he's hurt me, that he's somehow messed up my life. I have news for him, my life was pretty messy before he came along. Yes, he's made me cry a few times but I've also completely lost count of the number of times he's made me smile. He made me feel good about myself and gave me self-confidence at a time when I was feeling insecure. He comforted me when I was sad and he was there for me when I felt lonely. Those were and are gifts; gifts that he couldn't take back even if he wanted to. Yes, this last chapter hurt but that pain is a small price to pay for everything I got.

Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
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