KYRA DAVIS

New York Times bestselling author of Just One Night

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It's Just Hair



This picture was taken of me years ago at a Halloween party. The flash, the fact that the picture was scanned (not digital) plus major Halloween make-up makes me look pale and vampy. But there's another big difference between my current look at the way I look in that picture. It's my hair. It was natural.

Most people know I'm mixed so many of them assume that my currently loose curls are due to my white mother. Those people clearly haven't met my white mother or seen her rather impress Jewfro. Without product my fair-skinned, hazel eyed mother could compete with any hairstyle Macy Gray has ever come up with. And of course my father was black and had hair typical of his ancestry. So there was very little chance that I was going to have anything but tightly curled hair. A couple of hairstylists have told me that I have "good hair," which is a term used within the black community to describe hair that isn't "nappy." I'm not sure what they're talking about. Like my mother, I can make my curls more defined and rid myself of frizz with the right products but so can pretty much everybody regardless of their race. And like so many other woman with tightly curled hair I wanted to...well, straighten things out. Over the last several years I've been doing that with a relaxer.

But it's time to move on. I want natural, healthy curly hair. I've been growing out the relaxer for a little over three months now and it's time to start cutting off the straight ends.

When I tell women that I'm doing this, particularly black women, the first words that come out of their mouths are almost always "You're so brave!" I have heard those words 18 times in the last three weeks.

I'm getting a haircut. Not going to war. Yet I get what they're talking about. Cutting your hair takes an enormous amount of guts. And in the black community, wearing your hair natural at all is nothing short of a heroic (or for others, disastrous) feat. I can tell by the their tone of voice and the look in their eyes that many of these women would NEVER dare to do such a thing. To quote Tracie Thoms "To keep my hair the same texture as it grows out of my head is looked at as revolutionary -- why is that?"

I have a few ideas as to why that is. Some of it has to do with the fashion industry, some of it has to do with our preconceived perceptions of beauty, some of it has to do with insecurities, some of it has to do with the fact that as humans we always think the grass is greener on the other side. And yes, some of it has to do with racial issues. But I've found that those who have the hardest time wrapping their minds around the idea of a black woman wearing their hair natural are black women. Women of other nationalities rarely see the problem.

Personally I've done just about everything to my hair at one point or another. I've worn it natural, I've worn it incredibly short, I've worn weaves, I've had it relaxed...in other words I've mixed it up. I'm not really sure why it's a little more disconcerting to change course again this time around. Perhaps because I'm not in my 20s anymore. Your 20s are supposed to be about experimentation so why not extend that concept to your hair? Perhaps it's because right now my hair is the longest it's ever been without a weave. It took me YEARS to get it to this length and so cutting it short and starting from scratch again seems a bit more monumental. Maybe it's because people keep telling me how brave I'm being and they're beginning to freak me out!

But my longish hair isn't very healthy right now. That's partially due to stress and partially due to anemia which I was only recently diagnosed with. Stress is temporary and anemia is fixable but in the meantime I have take a deep breath and cut my loses (literally and figuratively) and work with what God gave me.

But no matter how you look at it, cutting my hair and keeping it the same texture as it grows out of my head isn't revolutionary and it shouldn't require a heroic amount of courage. I'm not making a political statement and I'm not getting plastic surgery.

It's just hair.


Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!

13 comments :

  1. JackieMonday, March 1, 2010 at 10:46:00 PM PST

    I recently did the same thing to my hair. I've had it relaxed several times and it was great--on top of relaxing I'd iron it every so often--but then I started noticing the state of my older soster's hair. It was practically dying. We're multiracial, and her hair was very thick and curly, but now it's just meager little lifless ripples. So I cut my hair and let it go natural. I've just decided that natural is so much better. I want to be proud and represent my heritage, not try to be something I'm not. Of course, there's also the fact that I'm very light-skinned and have light brown hair, so it's really common for black people to assume that I'm trying to pass for white--which is absolutely not true.

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  2. kyradavisTuesday, March 2, 2010 at 12:02:00 AM PST

    Oy, that's always the problem with the whole black-hair issue. Everybody is always trying to read too much into everything. Of course you weren't trying to pass for white. You wanted to do something different with your hair. People need to get over themselves and let it be.

    You know my mother (who is of Eastern European ancestry) spent a huge part of her life trying to figure out how to straighten her frizzy hair. She ironed it (and this is back when they actually used irons), rolled it, processed it and so on. She's finally found the products she needs to make it manageable and VERY cute. I think that's really the key. Black, white, brown or green, it's always a good idea to try to find a way to manage and actually embrace the features we have...and that absolutely includes our hair.

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  3. DruTuesday, March 2, 2010 at 3:09:00 AM PST

    I remember when I decided to go the natural look and got the same expressions you did. Relaxing was ruining my hair and now once I cut it all off, I will never go back to using chemicals on my hair and besides, when I wake up in the morning, my hair is done.

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  4. Alina AdamsTuesday, March 2, 2010 at 6:22:00 AM PST

    My Black/Jewish daughter just turned three in January. I have curly hair. Her father has curly hair. Her brothers have curly hair. Her uncles and aunts and cousins - Black and white - all have curly hair.

    "I don't like my hair, Mommy. I want you to cut off all the curls, make it straight."

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  5. kyradavisTuesday, March 2, 2010 at 9:39:00 AM PST

    Dru: major congratulations! Both for having easy-low-maintenance-hair and for tuning out all the naysayers!

    Alina: Oy, that's the mantra of every mixed or black child living in a Western country. Every billboard kids see, almost every model in every magazine (including black magazines), the host of almost every show (including kids shows), every doll in the toy store...they all have straight hair. Even African American Barbie comes with her own flat iron (no joke). Just don't let ANYONE convince you to put relaxer on her head before she hits puberty. Her follicles are developing and putting relaxer on that young could mess up her hair for life.

    Your daughter has gorgeous hair. Take her to a reputable black hairstylist and tell the woman to lavish the compliments on. Hearing how pretty she is from mommy doesn't count.

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  6. UnknownTuesday, March 2, 2010 at 10:21:00 AM PST

    Do whatever you want with your hair...you'll still have a beautiful face!!

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  7. AnonymousThursday, March 4, 2010 at 11:38:00 AM PST

    People always have a tendency to want something they don't have. When people have curly hair they going to want to get it straight and for people who have straight hair they want it curly. It's just the way humans are but if enough people say they look good the way they are then they start to enjoy and embrace what they ghave. That was what happen to me. I'm Asian and my hair is wavy curly unlike most Asians which have straight hair. When I was in JHS and HS I would get it straighten to look like other Asians and it never last long but throughout my college days my friends always praise me for my curly and wavy hair and it was then that I started to enjoy and love my hair for the way it is. I realized it's best to enjoy and love what we have.

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  8. kyradavisThursday, March 4, 2010 at 12:54:00 PM PST

    So true. I think most of us spend high school wanting to look like everyone else and then we get to college and we discover the benefits of individuality. The grass really isn't always greener.

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  9. AnonymousWednesday, March 10, 2010 at 8:07:00 PM PST

    After looking at your new hair cut on FB I was wondering what the reaction was from other people about your hair. I can totally relate to what you are talking about with reaction you get from people regarding your hair. White people can be so fascinated by the natural curl and say how lucky you are to be mixed. Black people can't understand why you don't want to have a relaxer or blow it out and flat iron it once a week. I haven't gotten relaxer since back in the mid 90s. The last one was way to harsh and left my hair with no curl at all. It had to be "done" every day. Something to this day I can't do on my own no matter how hard I try and how many products I buy. I have cabinet with blow dryers and attachments, different flat irons and curling irons, rollers, papers, etc. I still can't blow out and press my own hair. So while it was growing out I looked terrible. My hair was like that angel hair like pasta that gets all tangled and snarly if you don't cook it properly. I kept my hair pulled back. I finally have what I guess you would call "a straw set" set of curls. Conditioner and products that are for curly hair are the key for me. When I do get my hair cut for split ends I go to great person who blows it out and then trims the ends. I've had lot of bad experiences with stylists who don't know how to cut curly hair. Too many times folks will try and "even it out" and then next thing you know it looks like King Tut's headdress.
    It took me a long time to get to the place of liking my hair and not fightin it. When I was a kid curly hair was not in at all. I was always trying to brush it sraight. Being adopted into a white family no one had the skills to do my hair. I have a lot of pics of me with old lady hair or constantly wearing short cropped hair since no one wanted to deal with my hair. Now there are more resources for mixed raced kids and their familie. But still there is strong emphasis on straight hair or extensions even for little girls. I'm with you on no relaxers for children. It's starts a dangerous trend and it's so damagin to hair.

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  10. kyradavisThursday, March 11, 2010 at 12:10:00 PM PST

    I've gotten lots of positive feedback on my hair since the cut. I'm wearing it curly now (like you, I get it blown out at the stylist which helps them "check the cut"). I grew up being raised by the white side of my family too in a predominately white town so there were the standard hair challenges that go along with that. the one difference was that my mother, white as she is, has hair that is pretty similar to mine. Curly, fine, frizzy hair. She was familiar with all the emotional challenges that went along with that (if curly hair wasn't in when I was a kid it REALLY wasn't in when she was a kid in the 50s).

    Are you happy with the products you use? I'm currently using Joico curl definer and A VERY SMALL DAB of Pantene Daily Oil Cream Moisturizer. I've heard that Pantene is HORRIBLE for your hair and can cause it to break and thin. Thing is it's the only product I've found so far that doesn't leave my hair dry and frizzy (although if I use too much of it my hair gets oily and heavy after a couple of days). I'm not at ALL sure I trust Pantene and I wonder if some of my current hair problems are a result of using it but I simply have not found a good substitute.

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  11. RainaSunday, March 28, 2010 at 8:36:00 PM PDT

    I went natural over 5 years ago and I love it. The flexibility is great! I can wash my hair and go when I want and I can straighten my hair with a flat iron when I'm in the mood for something different. Not to mention, my hair is much healthier. I never cut off all of my relaxer. I cut it gradually but more power to anyone that decides to go that route! :-) I'm completely natural now and I am still experimenting with hair products. I recently used Mixed Chicks and I really liked it. I especially like their deep conditioner. It left my hair feeling moisturized. Enjoy your new natural hair!

    P.S. I can't wait for your new book to be released. I love the Sophie series.

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  12. kyradavisSunday, March 28, 2010 at 9:36:00 PM PDT

    Yes well my hairstylist convinced me to grow the relaxer out too (although we cut off about half the length). And like you I just discovered Mixed Chicks and I LOOOOOVE it! The conditioner, the leave in conditioner, the "Hair Silk," even the shampoo that seems to wash away build up without drying my hair...and I'm noticing that my natural curls are responding to it even better than my relaxed curls are! So glad to finally find a product line that works for me and doesn't cost $65 a bottle (BTW, I have tried the $65 stuff and it wasn't all that).

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  13. AnonymousSaturday, May 8, 2010 at 10:45:00 PM PDT

    hi I stumbled upon your blog/page whilst searching net..anyways you have nice hair, face & everything..I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on something thats recently happened to my hair..first of all Im a dude & recently my hair has become curly-it was completely straight (like me lol) ALL my life..why has my hair gone curly all of a sudden? Ive read hormones are the culprit..but Im not a teen, infact im hitting 40-this is driving me crazy (the hair going curly not hitting 40 lol)Thanks for any advice anyone maybe able to give- x

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ABOUT KYRA DAVIS

I'm the internationally published author of the Sophie Katz mystery series, and So Much For My Happy Ending. My first Erotic Fiction Trilogy will be released in January 2013.

Aside from that, I'm a single mom; I'm addicted to coffee and True Blood (the show, not the drink). I'm happy with who I am yet I’m always striving to be better; I have more bad hair days than good ones, I love a challenge but I am not fearless, I’m….well…just me.