Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner

Lately men have been calling me “baby.”  I’m not talking about a bunch of construction workers trying to pass the time on their lunch break (although at my age even that would be worth raising an eyebrow over).  I’m talking about men I date and men who I have no romantic connection to at all but apparently just use the word as part of their standard lexicon, like “Hey baby, how's it going?”  It’s like a regular 70s revival.


But aside from the fact that this particular term of endearment feels dated to me it also doesn’t feel like it’s a word that actually fits me.  There are some women who it does fit.  They’re the femme fatales of the world.  The Cosmo girls and the Bond girls.  Those aren’t roles that I play...at least they weren’t until recently.  Because lately I haven’t been behaving like myself in regards to my dating life.  I haven’t really been behaving like myself in that area for almost a year now and I’m still trying to figure out why I did certain things and why I strayed so far from my M.O. in regards to how I conducted myself within the contexts of certain relationships.  But that was during the first half of this year.  Now that we’re in the second half it’s a totally different story.  I can’t even imagine being tempted to do some of the stuff I did (or behave the way I did, which was childish and unfair) in the first half of this year.  


But here’s the thing: in the first part of this year I could never have imagined doing the things I’m doing now.


All of a sudden I am playing the role of Bond girl, Cosmo girl and even Carrie Bradshaw...right down to the designer shoes.  I even have an emotionally unavailable Mr. Big and there’s an Aidan who’s been pursuing me for a few weeks now.  This is not my life.  It’s the life of some twenty-something blonde who has been called “baby” so many times it’s hard to remember her real name.  And I don’t really want to be a Cosmo girl or Carrie Bradshaw (although I’m keeping the shoes).  I was pretty content with being Kyra, the woman who, in her relationships, was relatively low maintenance (although she occasionally liked to be spoiled), straight forward (no game-playing), perhaps a little too cautious with her heart, flirtatious, sometimes silly, independent and logical.   That’s the woman who every man who has been with me before the latter part of 2009 knew and no one called her baby.  

But when your life starts to resemble a season of Sex And The City it’s hard not to channel your inner Carrie.  To be honest, it may be the only way to make the season turn out well.  I’ve even watched a few Sex And The City reruns recently in order to get a greater understanding my new reality and I’ve read some of the Cosmo articles (they have a few that actually don’t have to do with sex...not many, but a few) for tips on how to navigate this unfamiliar territory.  

Yes, you read that right, I’ve been using Sex And The City and Cosmo as TEACHING TOOLS.  How bizarre is that?!


But I’m not abandoning the “Kyra” of days of yore.  I’m just sort of creating a composite character based on her.  This Kyra still doesn’t like to play games but recognizes that there are times when a little Cosmo-style coquettishness doesn’t hurt.  This Kyra still doesn’t expect the man she’s dating to take her shopping but she’s not going to feel guilty about it when he does. And like Carrie, this Kyra is comfortable wearing her new $500 boots (or at least she will be when the temperature outside drops below 100 degrees).  


This Kyra is able to demand respect in a world where the men have started to call her baby.

Kyra Davis

Bestselling Author of:

The Sophie Katz Mystery Series 

and

So Much For My Happy Ending

Order Vows, Vendettas &A Little Black Dress today! 

A Life In Transition...Or Maybe Chaos (Is There A Difference?)

This has been a very interesting and confusing time for me. As I have both Tweeted and Facebooked, it feels like I’m living in several different realities at the same time.  In the last several weeks I was given the opportunity to travel in luxury and lounge in hotel rooms that (should I have had to pay for them) would have cost me upwards of $1400 a night. And yet with rising health care costs, my son's school tuition and whatnot...well, money is tighter than its ever been).  My career has never been in a more precarious position.  It’s possible that things could get very tough for me...unless a certain publishing deal which currently seems to be quickly gathering steam actually comes through in which case my career has literally never been more stellar, successful or lucrative.  My son is mourning lost friendships at the exact same time he’s celebrating new ones.  My romantic life is all over the place.  I’m at the point where I literally don’t know what’s beginning and what’s ending...actually I made that last comment as a reference to my dating life but to be honest it would apply to almost every aspect of my life at the moment and I suspect that’ll be true for the next couple of months.  





It’s no wonder that I feel confused.  If people weren’t continually making demands of me (handing me urgent tasks and important meetings that I must attend to “ASAP”) I would probably just be sitting in my living room, staring into space, too overwhelmed to move.  



I guess I’m in a transitional period of my life.  I’m flooded with different opportunities and yes, there are choices to be made and yes, it’s entirely possible that I’ll make the wrong choices.  But having choices is infinitely better than not having choices and I think it’s time to start embracing it all rather than over-thinking everything.  



I also have to keep my eye on the ball but in order to do that I have to know which ball I’m supposed to be watching.  



I know that my number one priority is my career and complete financial Independence, the kind of financial Independence that will allow me to send my son to the private school that works best for him regardless of the exorbitant expense...although I don’t need the kind of money that would allow me to send him to a top private school AND buy myself designer clothes. Me and Forever 21 are good buddies.  Still, it’s not a small goal. In LA private schools range from $20,000 a year to $55,000 a year.  It’s insane but when you have a child with some special needs you start considering tuitions that are well above the average yearly mortgage.  However what I don’t want is to ever be in the position of having to ask the man in my life for money.  Okay, I know that happens occasionally, particularly within a marriage. But, for me, I want it to be the rare exception, NOT the rule. It’s important to me that regardless of who I end up with I personally am able to take care of myself and my son the way I see fit with or without a man.  I want any romantic union I enter into to be held together by love and respect NOT dependence.   



Of course I want the financial independence to come from my writing.  It’s what I do best and it’s my passion.  Being a writer isn’t just a job, it’s quite literally part of who I am and part of how I and others define me.  



As for the issues, non-issues, endings and beginnings that currently permeate my love-life...well to be honest I would really like not to have to deal with that right now.  Dating itself is fine but ideally I’d like to hold off on any serious relationship until I have some vague idea as to what’s going on in my professional life.  I’m not a big fan of entering commitments without knowing exactly (ok, generally) what I’m bringing to the table.  It’s not that I don’t have a lot to offer right now, I have enough self-esteem to believe that I do. But I’m confused and I’m pretty sure that entering into serious relationships when you’re confused isn’t always the best plan.  



So I guess that’s it then.  I’ll focus on my career and for the moment I’ll keep my dating life light and fun (as opposed to deep and stressful).  I’ve picked the ball I want to watch.  As for the men who want to throw me a ball, go ahead and throw...as long as it’s only a Nerf ball we’re good.

Kyra Davis

Bestselling Author of:

The Sophie Katz Mystery Series 

and

So Much For My Happy Ending

Order Vows, Vendettas &A Little Black Dress today! 

Recommend-A-Book-Wednesday: Ruth Reichl's Tender At the Bone

As a general rule I’m not a fan of books that contain recipes.  I’m just not enthusiastic enough of a cook to really appreciate the addition.  So when I’m reading a book and the story is suddenly interrupted by an author-inserted recipe for the dish being eaten/made in the previous paragraph I get irritated rather than delighted.  

However, the exception to this rule is Tender At the Bone: Growing Up At The Table by Gourmet Magazine’s editor and chief, Ruth Reichl.  This autobiography is just a beautifully written book, period.  You experience her life, her hopes, her disappointments and her challenges through her eyes, her feelings and through her palate.  The food is more than an addition to the story, it’s an insight into the very souls of each one of the people depicted in her book.  We come to understand her mother’s bipolar disorder through the manic way she approaches the preparation of a meal.   We are immediately in touch with Reichl’s need for comfort every time she goes to the butcher to make meat selections the way her grandmother’s friend selected it.  We understand the full force of Reichl’s teenage crush when she allows a cake to languish in the oven while she enjoys stolen kisses.  Food has quite literally never been this emotive before.  Too frequently authors use food exclusively as a way of expressing passion and lust.  Reichl uses food to express every emotion there is and she does so successfully.  And the thing is, even without the food her stories of growing up are incredibly compelling.  It’s impossible not to relate to her, impossible not to be fascinated by her odd upbringing, impossible not to be enchanted by the exotic locales she has lived in. Impossible not to be drawn into her introduction into the civil rights era of the late 1960s.  With or without interesting cuisine, Ruth Reichl has lived an amazing life...and the fact that it is indeed, with the cuisine makes it all the better.  

Even if you’re not a foodie, I strongly recommend you check out this book.  I’m reading it for the second time now...and this time I think I might even try some of the recipes.

Kyra Davis

Bestselling Author of:

The Sophie Katz Mystery Series 

and

So Much For My Happy Ending

Order Vows, Vendettas &A Little Black Dress today! 

Why I Love My Computer & Why We Need Time Apart

No, I haven’t evaporated, but my computer did. It died a sudden and tragic death and I am still in mourning. I have now adopted a new computer into the family (at no small expense) and we are in the process of getting to know one another.  



You don’t really know how important a computer is to your day-to-day life until you don’t have one.  I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking that you know EXACTLY how important your computer is to you but trust me, you don’t.  You don’t until you want to go on a road trip and you don’t have access to Google Maps.  You don’t know how essential it is until someone sets up what may be the most important meeting in your life for you and you have no computer available to prepare for it. And finally you don’t REALLY know how important your computer is to you until you want to Google the location of the nearest computer repair shop and you can’t because your friggin’ computer’s broken!

Yes, a laptop is like a dog but much, much neater and nobody’s allergic to it.  Plus Starbucks will let you take it inside their premises regardless of whether or not  it’s a “helper animal” trained to help you with a disability. Because ALL laptops/Macbooks are helper animals and we’re all disabled these days. We’re disabled because we are now all incapable of functioning without a computer.



On the other hand there’s something to be said for taking some time apart from your beloved laptop.  Not a lot of time but just enough to help you remember why you love it so much to begin with and to, you know, live in the non-virtual world for a moment.  



Last weekend I was in Vegas for the second time in two weeks (long story as to why that is).  On my first trip I had my computer with me. I don’t remember having so much as a minute to even turn it on.  But I was glad I had it. It was a security blanket.  This last time I went to Vegas after my last computer’s demise.  On Sunday my friend had to head home and I was left in Vegas on my own for the night. For a brief moment I panicked. What would I do all by myself without my computer?? How would I live?! How could I possibly entertain myself?!



And then I remembered: “Hey, I’m in Vegas!” And it occurred to me that the very idea that anyone would need to have a laptop in order to be entertained in Vegas was sort of sad...actually it was downright pathetic.  So I went to Bouchon and had an AMAZING meal on their gorgeous patio.  I wandered the street and amused myself with people-watching.  I checked out some of the hotels that I hadn’t been in yet.  I stood outside the Treasure Island hotel and watched some seriously cheesy shirtless pirates gyrate around as they were serenaded by bikini clad “sirens” with boob-jobs.   When I got back to the hotel I took a long bath in the Jacuzzi tub and then curled into bed with a book I’m reading by Ruth Reichl and ate the chocolates that housekeeping left on my pillow.  

And I discovered, it’s sort of amazing all the things you can do without a computer.  But I’m still very glad that I have one again.  It’s like I’m Tom Cruise and my Macbook is Renee Zellweger, my Macbook “completes me” and I’d like to think I had it at “hello.” Well, okay, “hello” and a thousand dollars, but still.  



Nonetheless I’m not sure I’ll be taking it with me on my next vacation.  It’s one thing to spend some quality time with your laptop before bed on weekday nights but it’s another thing to bring it out to party with you in Vegas.  I love me some Google but successful relationships need boundaries.

Kyra Davis

Bestselling Author of:

The Sophie Katz Mystery Series 

and

So Much For My Happy Ending

Order Vows, Vendettas &A Little Black Dress today! 

Recommend-A-Book-Wednesday: Terry Pratchett's YA Novels

 Two years ago, when I discovered that Terry Pratchett (one of my favorite authors and my son’s favorite author of all time) had been diagnosed with a very rare form of early onset Alzheimer's I almost broke down in tears.  One of the things that always comes through in Pratchett’s writing is his extreme intelligence and his spectacular creativity.  In short, he has a beautiful mind and I find it horrific that a mind like that would be affected by such a heinous disease before Pratchett had even reached his sixtieth birthday.   I remember sitting down with my son and telling him that I wasn’t sure if there would be any more books in Pratchett’s YA Tiffany Aching series.  He did break down in tears. He had fallen in love with Tiffany, fallen in love with Pratchett’s story telling, fallen in love with Pratchett’s alternative universes and he simply couldn’t stand the fact that there might not be any more offerings of any of that.  Whenever the subject of books comes up with his peers he insists that they buy one of Pratchett’s YA novels as if somehow increasing Pratchett’s American sales could save his life.  

But at the time of his diagnosis Pratchett suggested that he might have a few more books in him.  He’s been true to his word and since the announcement in 2008 I have thought of each subsequent Pratchett novel as kind of a gift from God (Ironic because Pratchett himself is a vocal Atheist).  

In October Prachett’s latest Tiffany Aching book, I Shall Wear Midnight will be released. My son and I couldn’t be more excited.  Yes, the Tiffany books are young adult but they’re so sophisticated and thought provoking it’s hard to imagine that there are many adults out there who wouldn’t enjoy them.  Prachett’s humor is always on point, his observations both cutting and true, his descriptions are nothing short of poetic.  Perhaps most importantly, his books are incredibly entertaining and fun.  Although generally I don’t enjoy reading YA fiction his books are for me an exception to that rule and if you have a chance I strongly recommend that you pick up (for yourself or your child) either Wee Free Men, Nation or The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents.  Wee Free Men is the first book in a series and the other two are stand-alone novels.  Every single one of them is excellent.  

Prachett doesn’t need me to pimp him. He’s so popular in England the Queen actually knighted him.  But this author is too good not to talk about and I really want to encourage you to enjoy what he can give us while he is still with us and cognisant of our appreciation.  I want to celebrate his talents because no matter what happens to Prachett his creativity and his particular genius will always be with us. 

Kyra Davis

Bestselling Author of:

The Sophie Katz Mystery Series
and
So Much For My Happy Ending
Order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!