Serial Dating...Is It Such A Bad Thing?

The other day I was talking to a friend (who I have a rather flirtatious relationship with) about guys I've dated in the past and I mentioned that I had only been out with one guy who was actually shorter than me. "So," I said absently, "99% of the guys I've been out with have been taller than me, most of them significantly."

"Wow," he laughed, "if one guy equals 1% that means you've gone out with a 100 guys.  You get around, don't you?"

He was joking of course and I hadn't meant to use the percentages literally but the guy I had just referred to hadn't lasted past one date and if that was the criteria then...well, perhaps I should clear that up.  "What counts as going out with?" I asked.  "For instance, if you just go out to coffee with  someone you've met on Match and decide to end it there...does that count as a date?"

"Yeah,  I would think so," he said, sounding a little wary now.

And the wariness was warranted because if that's the criteria then I know I've been out with at least 100 guys.  After all, my first date was when I was fourteen and I'm in my mid-thirties now. Granted, I was married for a good portion of my twenties but that still leaves a lot of room for coffee dates and whatnot. 

"Okay," he said after my long silence, "but how many guys have you gone out with over, say, the last year?" He sounded like he was trying to give me an out. 

"Four," I said.  "No, wait five...or, okay seven. Oh! I forgot about that guy who took me to Wolfman, that makes eight...wait, wait! There was the guy who I went to brunch with and discovered we had absolutely nothing in common with! So that's nine.  I've been out with nine guys this year...keeping in mind some of those were just one time coffee dates. That's it, though."

The thing is I'm not really sure that IS it. It's entirely possible that I'm forgetting someone which is sad in and of itself.

"But when was the last time you've been out on a date," he said, still trying to help me. 

"Recently," I said vaguely not wanting to admit that it had been three hours ago. 

But the thing is, I'm not ashamed of my dating record.  The fact that I've dated so many guys and am still single probably shows that I can be a bit too picky at times but I feel confident that I will eventually meet the guy who I will settle down with and the reason I'm confident of this is because I'm always dating.  Furthermore I really like dating.  Yes, it does sometimes end in disappointment and hurt. Those times when you think you might have found the guy who you could actually get serious with only to realize after a month or so that for one reason or another it's not gonna work...that's the tough part. 

But it's also an opportunity to get to know a new person, to tell your stories to someone who has never heard them before and get insight into the world they inhabit that may very well have been previously unknown to you.  This year alone I've dated lawyers, a real estate broker, a CEO, a personal trainer, a country music singer, a film editor...the list goes on and regardless of how well or badly the date goes I always walk away feeling like I've learned something.  I've even established lasting friendships with some of these guys.  And if the date is spectacularly unsuccessful I leave with a good story to tell.   For a writer that's golden.

So yes, I've gone out with at least 100 guys in my life and I'm not done yet.  Perhaps the next guy I go out with will be "the one" but if he's not then at least I can get a free soy latte out of the deal.  The way I see it, it's a win-win.


Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Mystery Series
and
So Much For My Happy Ending
Order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!

Racial Segregation In The Literary World

When I toured for my first book, Sex, Murder And A Double Latte back in 2005 I was scheduled to be interviewed on a popular regional talk show in the Northwest.  Shortly before I was to step in front of the cameras and studio audience I was given the chance to chat with one of the hosts.  She was friendly and bubbly (as befit her persona) and  she seemed to have honestly enjoyed my book.  "It was funny, and the characters were so easy to relate too," she said. "And...well, you know what surprised me?"

"What?" I asked thinking we were going to talk about some plot point or twist in the murder mystery.

"I was surprised every time you mentioned Sophie's ethnicity," she said.  "I was constantly forgetting that she was biracial!  Reading the scenes where she sits around and talks to her friends...well it could easily have been me sitting around talking to all my other white girlfriends! There was no difference in speech or subject or anything!"

What struck me about this comment was not the How-can-she-be-black-when-she-speaks-English-so-well connotation but that this woman seemed completely oblivious to the fact that her remark might be in anyway construed as offensive.  But then my (and Sophie's) ethnicity came up a lot during that tour in all sorts of unexpected ways.  My very first review was printed in Z!nk Magazine.  They loved the book and said that "Davis explores and explodes racial stereotypes" by making the protagonist black AND Jewish. 

"Explores and explodes." That phrase ran through my mind a lot during the months to follow.  If giving Sophie a black father and an Eastern European Jewish mother was exploring and exploding racial stereotypes then obviously I was exploring and exploding racial stereotypes just by existing.  But somehow that didn't seem like an accurate description of my life to date.  Some people I have come across have expressed surprise or interest when I've told them exactly what my ethnic heritage is but as far as I know none of their heads have exploded while they attempted to digest the information nor has simply being introduced to me radically changed anyone's world view.  And yet by creating the character of Sophie I was supposedly exploring and exploding stereotypes. That was interesting.

And perhaps there was a small bit of truth to that.  When my publicist, Susan Schwartzman, set up a book signing event for me in a Bay Area, African American bookstore she was informed (after the owner of the store had a chance to actually read my novel) that my appearing there wouldn't be appropriate.  "There is only one black character in this book," the owner had said in an email, "and that character is Marcus." In other words Sophie, and by extension me, was not black enough to meet this woman's approval.  I was fully ready to let that one go.  I had several book signings set up in the area, if I didn't get into a local black bookstore it wouldn't be a big deal.  However Susan is a New Yorker through and through.  She doesn't know the meaning of the phrase, "let it go." In her emailed response which she cced to me Susan wrote (in all caps) "KYRA HAS BEEN REVIEWED IN SAVOY, BLACK ISSUES BOOK REVIEW AND EBONY MAGAZINE.  IF SHE'S BLACK ENOUGH FOR EBONY SHE'S BLACK ENOUGH FOR YOU!"  A friend of mine suggested I have that printed on my business card, "Kyra Davis, black enough for Ebony." Anyway, Susan's email was strong enough to make the bookstore owner relent and I did speak at her store (although she didn't stay to hear me). I filled the place up with friends who were Asian, Latina, Russian and Irish immigrants and even one white cop just for kicks and giggles.  But the whole affair gave substance to Z!nk's claims.  Sophie was shaking things up.  The very fact that the book was reviewed in both Ebony AND Cosmo was in and of itself rather revolutionary.  I think it's entirely possible that my books were the first to ever make it into both of those publications.  The vast majority of my readership is not black and yet I have managed to secure a lot of support within the African American community.  I'm incredibly proud of that crossover.  It's absurd to think that an ethnic protagonist can only be enjoyed by those who share that protagonist's particular ethnicity and if that was the case how small would my readership be?  Are there any numbers on how many black, Eastern European Jewish people out there enjoy chick lit murder mysteries?  I seriously doubt there are thousands of them. 

And yet there is a perception within the publishing industry that white readers will not read about black characters (whether they be Christian, Jewish or Buddhist) unless the book is specifically about that character's struggles with civil rights.  My publisher never actually sent an ARC (Advanced Reading Copy) to Ebony or any of those other black publications for their review.  That was done by Susan who was working (and being paid by) me, not Red Dress Ink. My publisher was concerned that should my novels be mentioned within the pages of those magazines they would be categorized as "black books," and then tucked away in that dark little corner of most bookstores where they keep their "African American fiction" or what is sometimes euphemistically called "Urban Fiction."  It seems that bookstores are one of the few areas where segregation is accepted by the mainstream.  Frequently when I've asked my publisher to change this or that on the cover of one of my books they ignore me but when I mentioned that the ARC cover for Lust, Loathing And A Little Lip Gloss had Sophie looking much more ethnic than she had on previous covers the powers that be ordered that her skin tone be lightened by three degrees within an HOUR of my making that observation.  They didn't want to do anything that might cost me white readers.

I don't know if my publisher's fears are founded or not.  Like I said, I haven't had a problem with crossover appeal.  But the fact is there still isn't a television show on the air right now that is meant for predominately white audiences that stars a black protagonist.  There are lots of very strong black supporting characters but we haven't seen a black Meredith Grey and we certainly haven't seen a black Carrie Bradshaw.  Remember I Love You Man?  There's a reason why we were introduced to almost every member of Peter Klaven's character's family and yet the only person we met in Rashida Jones' character's family was her white cousin.  They cast Larry Wilmore as the officiant in that movie but there wasn't a single African American extra who was hired to play a guest at that couple's wedding.  There is a reason why Rashida Jones and the movie producers don't want her identified as a "black actress" and it has little to do with Rashida Jone's personal feelings about her ethnicity and everything to do with her (and her handlers) concerns about her commerciality.  Just because something shouldn't be true doesn't mean it isn't.  Of course there's a chicken-or-the-egg angle to all this.  Are studios not producing TV shows and whatnot starring black protagonists for white audiences because they know there are women like that talk show host who don't believe black women can speak English properly or do some women hold that opinion because they've never seen a television show that features a black female protagonist who does so? 

The whole thing is rather sad and yet Sophie's widespread appeal makes me hopeful. I'm not egotistical enough to think that Sophie can change the world but I'm glad that she's made her mark on it.  I'm proud of my ethnically diverse readership.  I'm proud to have had my books featured in both Cosmo AND Ebony.  I'm proud that in some people's mind Sophie has explored and exploded a stereotype. 

 Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Mystery Series
and
So Much For My Happy Ending
Order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!

Recommend-A-Book-Wednesday

It's Recommend A Book Wednesday and this time I want to turn your attention to Douglas Carlton Abram's The Lost Diary Of Don Juan. This book is a historical adventure story first and a love story second and that's not a bad thing.  Long before the infamous lover of women, Don Juan, falls in love for the first time with the beautiful and forbidden Doña Ana the action and the rich period detail keeps the story alive and entertaining.  The novel is set during the Spanish Inquisition and Don Juan has made some powerful enemies.  Abrams is quite skilled at making the reader see this dangerous and decadent world through the eyes of his protagonist and he skillfully taps into the sense of ever present danger that exists for everyone and anyone who might not be willing to submit wholeheartedly to the corrupt inquisitors demands and doctrine. 

The interesting thing about this version of Don Juan is that he actually seems to respect women, a lot.  True, he is not in love with any of the beauties he encounters before Doña Ana who is unwilling betrothed to the Marquis (a man who has the power to protect Don Juan from or sacrifice him to the inquisitors) but he does genuinely love and admire women as a group.  It's really not just lust.  As a result even the most casual sex scenes have an unexpected romance to them.  Abrams should also be commended for being able to give Don Juan this gentle outlook without making him seem too soft or in any way emasculating him.  I realize that being respectful of a lover shouldn't emasculate a character and yet it's surprising how few authors are able to write believable male characters who are both high minded and sexy.  Furthermore the female characters in this novel are all very strong and intelligent. There's not a weepy and weak stereotypical damsel in distress in the bunch.

And all this is wrapped up in a well paced plot and a satisfying story.  The villains are wonderfully villainous (although the well-rendered historical context keeps them from being cartoonish in any way) and the heroes are both smart and engaging.   So next time you're in the mood for an adventure check it out.

Or if you're a guy who just wants to be a little more Don Juanesque you could check out Abrams nonfiction books, The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know and The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know.  I haven't read either of those but I think the titles pretty much speak for themselves.  So by all means, read up and have fun...hopefully a lot of fun several times over.

Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Mystery Series
and
So Much For My Happy Ending
Order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!

Writing In The Dark

Those of you who read this blog regularly know that I'm looking into self-publishing the next book in the Sophie Katz mystery series. I've had six books published so far and switching to self-publishing will be a huge change for me.  One of the things that will change is that I'll actually know what's going on. 

I've often heard that, "The writer is always the last to know." Usually the people who say that are Hollywood writers but in my experience it's even more true for authors, at least in my publishing house (and perhaps in others as well).  It's important to note that while I kept the film rights to all my novels I gave Harlequin (who owns Mira & the now-defunct Red Dress Ink imprint) the world rights to my books.  That means they have the exclusive right to publish So Much For My Happy Ending and the five Sophie books I've written so far all over the world in any format (except film) as long as they pay me the agreed upon royalties for the sales.  That's not such a bad deal to strike up with Harlequin.  They are an international company.  They have a presence in (and are tapped into the distribution channels for) Holland, Italy, England, Australia, the list goes on and on.  My books have been read in four different languages in eight different countries (that I know of) and I couldn't have managed that without Harlequin.

But there's a trade-off.  International companies are, by necessity, spread out.  My editor is in New York. When I want help setting up a book signing I need to talk to the people in Toronto (that's also where the art department is).  I just got my royalty statement that was printed in Switzerland.  When the members of your team are located in several different countries there's a good chance that there is going to be some issues in regards to keeping everyone on the same page and there is NO guarantee that any one department is really clued into what the other department is doing. 

My first big surprise when I became a published author was when I discovered that the date Red Dress Ink (and now, Mira) say they're going to release a book is not the real date.  For Sex, Murder And A Double Latte I literally counted down the days, hours and minutes to that book's release date, June 1st.  I called friends and made a plan to walk into our favorite bookstore with them on that magical date, cameras in hand, so I could actually see my book on the shelves.  It was going to be an event!

Which is why I was kinda surprised when I casually strolled into a Barnes & Noble two weeks before June 1st and found my book displayed on the front table.  I was thrilled...and very, very confused.  I went home and checked my computer and sure enough, Amazon and Borders were already shipping it.  I don't know why Mira advertises one date and releases the books on another.  Perhaps Mira allows the booksellers to sell their novels as soon as they get them in their inventory.  Again, I'm just guessing. I do a lot of guessing.  Each year I try to guess when my book will be available and most years I get it wrong. 

Then, about eight months after my first book was released, I did a Google search and discovered that Harlequin had made Sex, Murder And A Double Latte into an audio book!  I had no idea that was going to happen! But there it was, for sale on Audible.com.  About five months after that I got a package from Harlequin informing me that (drum roll please) Sex, Murder And A Double Latte had been recorded as an audio book. They gifted me the recording of it so I could hear it.  Again, this is at least five months after they had started selling it.  It was nice of Harlequin to give me the recording and I'm thrilled they have turned all of my novels into audio books because those recordings now account for about half of my royalties but if I had known  it was going to happen ahead of time I would have promoted the release on my blog! Talked it up to all my friends! I didn't have the chance to do any of that until after it was all a done deal.

It went down the same way with the Kindle editions of my books.  I found out that I was going to be published in Holland because one of the editors there left a comment on my blog.  When I have asked my editors about these things I usually discover that they were as surprised by the developments in question as I was.  It's true that when I ask questions my current editor can usually get answers for me even if he doesn't have them initially but it takes a while because the department that he needs to talk to isn't on a different floor, it's on a different part of the globe.    And obviously, if they're going to offer one of my books in a new format or translate and sell it in a different country...well, I can't always predict that so I don't even know what to ask my editor to check on.  It makes it hard to do the self-publicity thing because I never know what I'm supposed to be promoting or when I should be promoting it. 

I'm constantly getting emails from readers asking, "When will your next book be available on Kindle?" "When will the audio books be out?" "When will the audio recordings of the last three Sophie books be available to purchase overseas?" "When can I buy Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress in the UK?" "When will it be selling it in France?" And my answer to all these questions is almost always the same: "I. Don't. Know." More often than not it's the readers who ends up giving me the good news.  You're the ones who tell me that there's a sample chapter of the next book up on Audible.com or that Amazon  UK is accepting pre-orders for my latest release and that yes, it will be sold in Britain.  You're the ones who tell me when the release date is because you're the ones who get an email from Amazon telling you that your pre-order has been shipped.

When I switch to self-publishing I will lose Harlequin's global reach.  That will be a huge loss.  But at least I'll know when and where my work is being sold  and in what format.  I'll finally know what to promote and when.  I'll have a measure of control and as a result a measure of sanity.  It will probably be a very small measure of sanity but I'll happily take what I can get.

I hear authors complain about these issues all the time but I've never seen them discussed in a public forum.  It's possible I'm breaking an unwritten rule by doing so.  But if I'm going to be going into business for myself then I get to make up new rules and my rules say that I get tell it as it is.  I know a lot of you harbor ambitions of becoming a published novelist and I want you to know that you can come to this blog and get a completely honest account of my experiences within the industry.  That way we can all know what's going on.


Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Mystery Series
and
So Much For My Happy Ending
Order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!

Bikini Waxers Make Great Neighbors

 A few months ago my bikini waxer became my new neighbor. When I first noticed the property manager giving her a tour I had to stop and think about what that meant for me.  Would I have to find another bikini waxer?  Was it appropriate to have your pubes waxed by the same person you would be attending block parties with?  I wasn't really sure of what the protocol was in this situation.  After a few nights of contemplation I figured I'd just ask her.  I caught her when she was in the driveway and as soon as I broached the subject a huge smile of relief spread across her face.  "See, I knew you weren't bothered by it!" she enthused.  "I'm so glad because some people get really weirded out.  A parent at my son's preschool recognized me and she was so freaked out by having to see me outside of the salon she pulled her kid out of the school and re-enrolled him somewhere else!"

To be honest I hadn't told her I wasn't bothered by it.  She had interjected before I had the chance to say one way or another but now I felt I had to keep her as my waxer on principal.  I had never before thought of the social hardships that bikini waxers have to go through and I want my son to know that we don't discriminate based on a person's race, nationality, sexual orientation, religion or bikini-waxing-professional-status.  I was sort of thinking that the conversation was over at that point but as it turned out, not so much.  She wanted to commiserate on how hard it was to date as a single mom and asked if I was seeing anyone.  I admitted I wasn't involved with anyone seriously and she nodded sagely.  "I haven't been in a serious relationship in a while," she said. "It's so hard to meet people.  I just turned forty and I don't want to do the club scene anymore." I was about to chime in when she added, "I just recently called it off with this guy I went out with a few times because he was a little bit too young." 

"How old was he?" I asked distractedly.  By this time I knew my son was probably wondering what had become of me.

"Eighteen."

And immediately she had my full attention.  "Eighteen?" I repeated.

"Yeah, he told me he was nineteen but I checked his ID when he wasn't paying attention and he's only eighteen."

Well this of course raised a lot of questions for me.  Number one being, if you're eighteen and going to lie about your age why on earth would you say nineteen?  Where's the advantage in that? The second question was of course, nineteen isn't too young for her?!?!
"You know, as a mom I couldn't help thinking what I would say if my son at eighteen came home and announced he was going to start an affair with a forty-year old," she went on.  "Just didn't seem right so I broke it off."

So now my mind has gone in yet another direction.  What would I say if my son were to tell me such a thing once he reached eighteen?  I'm not sure how this reflects on me but I'd probably tell him: "Keep it casual, practice safe-sex and take notes because you're about to be schooled." On the other hand if I had a close friend who was dating an eighteen year old there's a good chance I'd smack her upside the head and ask her what she was thinking.  Double standard?  Probably.  But I can't imagine what an eighteen year old would have to offer anyone over the age of thirty.  Eye-candy, yes but...well, young guys are like tops.  You can spin them all night long but each spin is only going to last for a very short period of time...not that I would know.

She then went on to tell me about the other guy who asked her out recently.  "I try not to date clients," she said thoughtfully, "because guys are good tippers and if things go bad in the relationship they'll stop coming to me for their manzilians and this guy...well he asked me out shortly after his waxing but I just don't think I want to risk losing him as a client.  Besides, I've seen what's down there and it's not that impressive."

At this point I've completely forgotten that my son is waiting for me.  I am absolutely fascinated by this woman's life! And this guy who asked her out, my God the man must have more self-confidence than all of our world leaders put together.  Seriously, how many guys would have the conceit to ask a woman out after she had just waxed his balls particularly if his balls weren't all that remarkable? That's chutzpah and I mean that as a compliment.

Since then I've had many more conversations with her.  I attended her housewarming/Passion Party and when I have a moment I'll stop and listen to her tales of when she was on the cover of Playboy (quite a while ago now), her aspirations of becoming the star of her own reality TV show (not an uncommon goal here in LA but this woman might actually have the personality to pull it off) and her friend who is a professor of human sexuality with an emphasis on deviant behavior (that's a WHOLE 'nother blog). Since she has moved in I've found myself wondering if other bikini waxers are like this or if she's just special. I suspect the latter. But the thing is I actually like her a lot.  My life has become much more entertaining since she became my neighbor.

Still, once my son hits puberty I might consider moving. 

Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Mystery Series
and
So Much For My Happy Ending
Order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!

Self Publishing...Could It Be Better Than The Alternative?

I spent the bulk of last week researching; not a novel but my new entrepreneurial adventure: self-publishing the sequel to Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress.  I'm hardly the only published author who has looked into self-publishing.  Currently Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez is in the process of publishing her chick-lit novel, The Clubhouse Diaries.  Alisa has a New York Times Bestseller under her belt and yet if you read her blog it's not hard to pick up on her frustration with the publishing industry. J.A Konrth has six published books but will be publishing his seventh book with Amazon. No traditional publishing house will be involved.  Another New York Times bestselling author (who wishes to remain unnamed until closer to launch date) is also turning her back on the publishing houses in order to publish ebooks for the romance genre.

It sort of feels like the beginning of a revolution.

Maybe I'm overstating things.  Maybe self-published novels will never be the money makers that books which are published by New York publishing houses are.  Maybe readers won't embrace ebooks and print-on-demand novels the way they embrace various HarperCollins novels.  But it certainly seems to be going that way, particularly with e-books.  The key with ebooks is that authors keep a HUGE percentage of their profits if they self-publish them.  For instance, right now I get less than 10% of every book I sell and my agent gets 15% of that.  If I self-publish a book for an e-reader like Kindle I get to keep 70% of the profits and no agent is needed to broker the deal.  Of course the bestselling books on Kindle are VERY cheap.  Many of them are free stories uploaded by authors who hope a free read will drive people to buy their for-profit books.  But a lot of ebooks are selling for $1.99, $2.99, $3.99 and so on.  Right now if you look at Kindle's top 10 bestselling books you will see only one is currently on the NY Times Bestsellers list: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo That book is a HUGELY popular right now but why aren't ANY of the other hugely popular books making it on that list? Could it be because Random House decided to sell the e-book of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo for $5.50 rather than the standard $9.99? Probably.  The truth is people are hurting right now.  I know that we are theoretically coming out of this recession but in my state's unemployment is still at 13% and since California is the most populous state in the country...well that's a lot of people who would like to save $5.49 on their next book purchase. 

More and more midlist authors are reporting making more money by self-publishing ebooks than they are publishing with a New York publishing house.  I think it's fair to assume that their ebook success was facilitated by the fact that their traditional publishers already helped them build a name and a fan-base.    But still, it seems to me that there's something wrong with these figures.  It's not that I'm questioning the legitimacy of the claims authors are making about the amount of money they're bringing in but I am wondering how a book published in ANY format can earn an author more money when he/she is getting no marketing support than that same author was making when they had the weight of an entire professional marketing team behind them.  That's a little messed up.

Of course that's the thing, there IS no marketing for mid-list authors.  All those marketing and publicity dollars go to big named authors and books that the publisher thinks have a big enough concept to become an instant blockbuster.  For every book that gets a marketing/publicity budget of even twenty thousand dollars there are about a thousand books that never see a cent of support.  Those books are just sort of thrown out there in the hope that someone strolling through the bookstore will be attracted by the pretty font on the books spine (because you know those midlist books don't usually get faced out). Amazon on the other hand has told J.A. Konrath that, come launch time they will target market to every single person who has ever bought one of his books through their site. 

It feels like Amazon is trying to lure authors over to them with high royalty percentages the same way they lured readers over to Kindle books with cheap prices.  Right now the vast majority of published authors are sticking with their publishing houses but if Amazon, or any self-published author, produces a blockbuster there might be a bit of an exodus. 

Maybe it won't go down like that.  But it's something to watch.


Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Mystery Series
and
So Much For My Happy Ending
Order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!

Recommend-A-Book-Wednesday

I've spent the last few blogs emphasizing how important it is for readers to recommend books they like to friends. Now the time has come for me to practice what I preach. I'm always talking to my family and personal friends about books I like but I think I'm going to spend more time talking to you about it. I'm making Wednesdays Recommend-A-Book Day. I'll try to focus on authors who you may not have heard of since I don't think Dan Brown really needs a plug. Once I've posted my recommendation here I'll go over to Amazon and other bookseller websites and write a review. To be honest, I don't do that enough but if I'm going to ask it of you...well, I refuse to be a hypocrite.

So let's start with Marla Martenson's Diary Of A Beverly Hills Matchmaker. It's nonfiction and it's kinda shocking. The book details Marla's experiences when she was a matchmaker for some of the richest men in the world. The cost of her services ranged between $20,000 and $50,000. The agency's price was dependent on how unreasonable the man's demands were. To quote Marla: "If a guy looks like Danny DeVito and he wants to date someone who looks like Heidi Klum that's going to cost him a little extra." And you will not believe how many Danny DeVito types expect to date Heidi Klum lookalikes! In fact the demands of some of her clients are so unreasonable I actually had to email Marla just to check to make sure all this stuff was true. Men who want a super-model-gorgeous woman (they call them 10-pluses) who are 20 years younger than them, ivy league educated and want to play the role of a 1950s housewife. How many ivy league educated women do you know who want to play that role? Or how about the guy who decided to ditch on of his matches because although she was beautiful and perfect in almost every way he didn't like the way her nipples looked. Apparently her areolas were too big. And then there's the female client who appears to be willing to sleep with any man who buys her a $1000+ handbag. Not all of the clients at the dating service are this dysfunctional but almost all of them are...shall we say, eccentric? Marla on the other hand is this totally normal, likable and perhaps most importantly, relatable person and watching her navigate her way through a sea of egos and excessive materialism is sort of surreal. And lets not forget the decent people who happen into her matchmaking service. Reading their emails (and this book is filled with the real emails of her clients) as they delicately try to tell Marla that the man or woman they went on their last date with was insane is more than a little amusing. Considering how specific some of these people's checklists are it's amazing that Marla is able to make any matches at all. But she does. Again and again she finds a way to bring people who were clearly made for one another together.

It's sort of the Nanny Diaries of the dating world. And the weird thing is that shortly after I read this book a guy who could easily have been one of her clients asked me out. I sat across from him listening to him talk to me about his plans to broker this or that deal or start up some multi-billion dollar hedge fund and I found myself CONSTANTLY comparing him to the men I had just read about. I thought about what Marla would tell me I should expect and what I should see as a warning sign. In a pretty short period of time I realized that this was not a man I could ever trust and he wasn't treating me with the respect or consideration that Marla's male clients treated the purse-hooker. I think I should at least be treated as well as a purse-hooker. So I suppose the book was educational too.

Anyway, I definitely recommend Diary Of A Beverly Hills Matchmaker. You can order it through Amazon or Barnes & Noble. You're sure to find it entertaining and you just might learn something.


Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!

The Magic Of Self-Confidence

Since I moved to LA many people have asked me if I believe in The Secret and the laws of attraction. The answer is absolutely not...and yes, I sort of do.

Here's what I don't believe: I don't believe in "the laws of attraction," as they are defined in The Secret. I don't believe that the universe is concerned with our personal ambitions and desires and I do believe that bad things, like earthquakes, hurricanes, unexpected genetic illnesses, freak car accidents and so forth, are just as likely to be experienced by those who use the laws of attraction as they are by those who don't.

And yet I can't say that those who embrace the laws of attraction are full of it. Not by a long shot. Because by embracing the laws of attraction they are committing themselves to being optimists. Optimists believe that things are going to get better when life is hard. They believe opportunities will present themselves. And you know what happens when you think an opportunity is going to come your way? YOU LOOK FOR THAT OPPORTUNITY. And if you're looking for something your chances of finding it go up considerably. An optimist may recognize an opportunity that would be completely lost on a pessimist because the pessimist isn't looking for anything more than a life preserver. This is true regardless of whether you're talking about career opportunities or opportunities within your personal life. And when it comes to romance those who embrace the idea of the laws of attraction have a huge advantage over the general population. Because those laws-of-attraction people are confident that they're going to find their soulmate and that makes them confident about themselves. It's a myth that women are mostly attracted to money and power. Some women think that's what they want but what ATTRACTS them is confidence. Confidence is sexy and if a guy believes in himself and believes he has something to offer and that he deserves to have a wonderful woman in his life we'll believe it too. Women who think they want a man who is able to support them will frequently overlook a man's current career problems and financial difficulties if the guy who has caught their eye is confident that the situation is temporary and that he'll come out on top. I'm not talking about a God complex or anything, just a strong sense of self-confidence. It works for women as well. If a woman believes that that she is worth a man's time and expects men to treat her well men are more likely to give her their time and...well, treat her well. I don't know that there's any mysticism to that or that the universe is involved (although I don't judge those who DO believe that). I think it's just an issue of how confident people carry themselves and how they talk and react to the circumstances around them. It's one of the reasons why men love Victoria Secret ads. Yes, Victoria Secret models have amazing bodies and they wear next to nothing but that's true of a huge portion of the women we see in advertisements, TV shows, magazine spreads and movies. But the Victoria Secret models tend to be held a little bit above the rest. What makes them better? Well, to put it one way, they're fierce. When they strut forward with their open robes flying behind them it's clear that those women aren't afraid of anything. They know what they have to offer and they have no qualms showing it off. These women are confident with a capital C and it makes it almost impossible to look away.

I realize that I'm not saying anything new here. I've heard others refer to the success of those who follow the directions listed in The Secret as being a sort of placebo effect. To call it that is not only condescending, it's overly simplistic. To say it's a placebo effect is to suggest that something about the achievement isn't real, or worse, that the problem that was dealt with by the change in the behavior wasn't real. It's all real. Being able to identify an opportunity that most people wouldn't see is very real and whatever device is used to help people to be able to do that should be celebrated and promoted.

So basically I don't believe in the mechanisms that The Secret describes but I believe that taking the steps that are supposed to activate those mechanisms will frequently lead to the desired results. In that sense the laws of attraction stand up to even the most scientific analysis. People who believe in themselves are more likely to get what they want. Just because you can explain how it's done doesn't mean that it's not magic.

Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!