Where I Went Wrong (And How I'm Going To Fix It)

Boy, it has been a rough week. On Sunday everything seemed to be coming up roses by Wednesday my whole world seemed to be covered in fertilizer.

But part of it is my fault. Anyone who has ever ready my book So Much For My Happy Ending knows that I believe we all have to take responsibility for our own fate. Or, to quote a character from a Terry Pratchett book, “There isn’t a way things should be. There’s just what happens and what we do.” I am a firm believer in doing the best I can with what happens. I believe we have to find our own opportunities and make the most of them.

But when things get hard, really hard, it’s easy to look to others to rescue you. Or worse yet, we can expect others to accomplish our dreams and ambitions for us and then share the rewards. I realize I’m being a bit vague here but I’m not at liberty to share the details of the situation that has recently derailed me so hopefully you’ll all bear with me as I try to work this out. See, there are things that I want out of life and when it looked like there were individuals who were willing and able to get them for me I happily sat back and let them play fairy godmother. But things didn’t go as I had hoped…at all. It was a positive learning experience for my main-would-be-wish-granter and a bitter disappointment for me. But did I have the right to be disappointed? If there are things that I really want in life shouldn’t I be the one going out to get them? Yes, it means giving up a little more sleep and some of my free time but if I’m not willing to make those sacrifices then how important can my goals really be?

The reality is that I use the challenges I face as a parent of a special needs child as an excuse. Yes, homeschooling him takes a lot out of me but it’s not like I don’t have access to the rejuvenating power of caffeine. And look at people like Laura Hillenbrand! She suffers from chronic fatigue syndrome. Half the time she can’t eat and the majority of the time she is unable to physically lift herself out of bed. And yet, when she was bed ridden and she found that she was able to lift her arm, even for a little while, she used that arm to write. What she wrote was Seabiscuit: An American Legend. That book went on to become an international bestseller and a blockbuster movie. If she was able to do that then surely I should be able to make some things happen for myself without moaning about how hard the process is. I just have to be more focused. Tougher. I have to cut my TV watching and internet surfing to a bare minimum and say no to a few more social invitations. A little less “me” time and a little more “work” time.”

I realize that the wisdom in this somewhat-self-indulgent-pep-talk all sounds painfully obvious but it’s amazing how easy it is to overlook the obvious when it’s convenient to do so. I’m not going to do that any more. Instead I’m going to go after what I want. What I’m not going to do is wait around for someone else to get it for me.

Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order LUST, LOATHING AND A LITTLE LIP GLOSS today!

I'm Digging This Valentine Stuff

This was a wonderful President's Day/Valentine's weekend...well, okay I didn't do a lot to celebrate President's day but the Valentine's part of the equation was very cool. It started on Friday when my 9 year-old son called a girl he's known since preschool to wish her a Happy Valentine's Day. They haven't lived in the same town for years now but she still holds a special place in his heart. Apparently it's mutual since her mother confessed that not only was her daughter thrilled to hear from my boy but she actually sleeps with a picture of the two of them under her pillow. I decided to share that tidbit with my son and he just beamed and even jumped up and down a few times.

It's young and at the risk of sounding condescending, it's adorable.

But he's not the only one in the middle of a long distance romance. My boyfriend, who also lives a few hundred miles away, sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers on Saturday. Irises and Stargazer lilies. Stargazers because it was while we were up in Lake Tahoe staring up at a spectacular star filled night that he first told me he loved me.

I do love his brand of romance. No generic red roses or heart shaped boxes of chocolates from him! No, he tailors his romance to fit who I am and who we are as a couple. How could I not love him?

So here's hoping that you all had an equally stellar weekend. If you didn't (and let's face it, for every one fabulously romantic V-Day each of us is bound to go through at least 5 sucky ones) just think about how your latest Valentine disappointment will help you better appreciate the day some fabulous person sends you your special flower or confesses to sleeping with your picture. Sweet things tend to taste better after you've munched on a little bitterness.

Trust me, I know ; )

Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Seris,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order LUST, LOATHING AND A LITTLE LIP GLOSS today!

A New Chapter In Life (And This Time I Know How to Write It)

Anyone who has read So Much For My Happy Ending (and is aware of the semi-autobiographical nature of the book) knows that my last marriage was fairly disastrous. But even if my ex had been...well, sane, there would have been problems with that union and a lot of those problems were my fault. I gave up a huge part of myself when I became a wife. My career suddenly felt less important than his career. I transferred out of my dream college so I could attend a school in a city that he felt comfortable in. Yes, he wanted me to do those things but no one held a gun to my head.

I felt secondary and worse yet I accepted that role for myself. My husband cherished me and often surprised me with lavish romantic gestures. But I was like a doll or God help me, a trophy wife. I was so very young (eight years his junior...and in my junior year of college) and in my own way I was rebelling. I didn't want to be like my mother. As much as I love my mom I have always known that when it comes to her relationships she has control issues (although that’s less true these days) and those issues often prevented her from fully enjoying the tenderness often shared in male-female relationships. No one is EVER allowed to take care of her. Of course she doesn't want to be a caretaker either. She just wants her independence and she has no interest in making herself vulnerable to anyone.

I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to be afraid of the word "wife." I didn't want to be the matriarch in the house. I wanted more romance. More of the fairytale. My then-husband was all for that so I gave up New York, my dreams of making it into the Bloomingdale's executive training program and even some of my friendships in exchange for strawberry bubble baths, champagne toasts on the beach and impromptu stays in adorable B&Bs.

I know that doesn't make it sound like I was suffering and in the first few years of my marriage I wasn't but I was losing my sense of self. And when my ex would suggest that I pursue a degree in astronomy (after all, I did so well in that class) or as a daycare provider or even a bookkeeper my heart would sink. Those are not careers that I could ever be happy in but my husband didn't know that because he didn't fully know me and maybe that's because the real me was getting lost.

Now I'm in a new relationship and it's pretty serious. I may move to be closer to him since, of the two of us, he's the only one who has to go to an office in a particular location and my son is homeschooled. Furthermore if I moved it would probably be to Marin. I've ALWAYS wanted to live in Marin, that lovely little community just over the Golden Gate Bridge. Minutes from San Francisco but just removed enough to be peaceful and safe.

And yet I can't help but think about the last time I moved for a guy. Will I lose myself again? Will I resent him for personal sacrifices he never asked me to make?

To be honest the whole thing freaks me out. I feel like Carrie Bradshaw when she moved to Paris for Mikhail Baryshnikov and look how that turned out!

I'm kidding of course (sort of). My boyfriend is nothing like Baryshnikov and oddly enough I mean that in a good way. He also doesn't really ask me to sacrifice a lot. One of the reasons he took a job in Marin is because he knows I like the area. Even before we were talking about moving in together he picked an apartment near an adorable shopping district and a Starbucks because he thought I'd like visiting him there.

So my fears are really just that, my fears. They have nothing to do with reality. Still, they toy with me. They dance around the corners of my mind until I either reach for the popcorn or the martini glass as I attempt to fill myself with something other than these irritating worries.

But, unlike my protagonist, I'm not a borderline-alchy so after the first drink I'm pretty much done and I spend too much money on my gym membership to screw it up by ODing on Orville Redenbacherr. So I try other means of calming myself like browsing Tiffany & Cos website (yes, I know how that sounds but for me it's meditative so don't judge). In the end I guess I just have to trust that I'm smarter and savvier than I was in college...at least when it comes to affaire de coeurs. I know myself too well to get lost these days. I have a built in emotional GPS. When I start getting a little crazy or confused I can quickly navigate my way back to sanity. I can compromise without sacrificing what's important.

It's just another adventure, really. And this time, I think I'm ready for it.

Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Seris,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order LUST, LOATHING AND A LITTLE LIP GLOSS on Amazon or Barnesandnoble.com Today!

Mionetini, The New "It" Drink

Well the weekend is only a few days away and if you're anything like me you will probably want to ring it in with a nice cocktail...actually if you're really like me you won't wait for the weekend to make the cocktail. And if you're really, really like me you'll want your cocktail to be a little more than great. You'll want it to be fabulous.
So if you're like me you should go to the Mionetto Mixology page and scroll down to Stacey Ballis' Mionetini cocktail recipe. This drink isn't just fabulous, it practically defines the word! In the interest of full disclosure, I do know Stacey. She's a wonderful author and we've been friends ever since we met at one of Red Dress Ink's swanky parties in NYC. But honestly, I would be pushing you to try this drink regardless because it really is that good.

And once you've tried it, vote for it. See Mionetini is one of the finalists in a competition put on by Mionetto. It deserves the win and so does my girl Stacey.

Okay, that's enough of the infomercial. I've got to get back to writing the next Sophie book.

Cheers!

Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Seris,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order LUST, LOATHING AND A LITTLE LIP GLOSS on Amazon or Barnesandnoble.com today!

I'm A Fan

Guess what? I have a fan club. Fans of Kyra Davis is a group on Facebook that actually seems to be growing. Even writing that seems weird. After all, who am I? Not Hannah Montana, that’s for sure. Nor am I some kind of iconic figure and/or movie star. Of course I’m insanely flattered and I will do what I can to make sure my books are worthy of that kind of support. I even accepted the founder of the club’s invitation to be an administrator to the group and occasionally lead discussions.

But I think it’s important to remember that there are a lot of other non-movie-star-types out there who deserve fans. This video features one major example:




I’ll be honest, the diagnosis of this kid seems somewhat suspect to me but I certainly recognize that he does have some mental disabilities and his accomplishments detailed in this clip are flat out amazing. Not just that he just made a few baskets and won the game but that he has found a way to interact with his peers. If he is indeed autistic he has been able to find a way to relate and express himself with seeming ease and that had to have taken an enormous amount of work and almost inhuman patience. If anyone knows if he has a fan club do let me know, I want to be a member!


Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Seris,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order LUST, LOATHING AND A LITTLE LIP GLOSS today!